You Stupid Girl

I did something bad.

Everyone was in such a good mood at work on Friday. Even Cocksy . He’s the grumpy, tough-man-act tractor driver with a million bleeding tattoos - Keep sakes from a previous life when perhaps he wasn’t slow, round and fifty something.
Kath, Sam, Neil and even Graeme joked around loudly at smoko break.
Then we got Cocksy talking about his new tractor. He’d been speeding around all morning in this nifty bright blue thing with an enclosed cab, radio blaring, air conditioning on full throttle, power steering impossibly easy. This top of the line ‘Rolls Royce of tractors’ could spin on a dime!
The suspension was the best apparently. Made you


“Feel like you were floating, not driving”



“Man, I’d love a go in that thing”



“Have you driven a tractor before?”




“Yes”. No you haven’t! You stupid girl!



"Oh OK"



"But not one like that!". That might just save me!



"Alright you can have a go after lunch"



"Really!?" Why are you getting excited! You can't drive a bloody tractor!



"Yeah"



"Remember what I told you about getting my ute stuck and hitting them poplars though".



"You'll be alright. this ones got power steering. Come on and hop in. I'll show you the gears".



I'll tell you what. that seat was nice! The gears were easy as pie and the air conditioning... On a hot summers day in a orchard it's something you don't dare dream of.

so off I went down track. Cocksy met me at the end.

"Good. Now this time start off in 3rd gear... put some revs into it girl! Don't stall!"



Then I stalled.



"Now deliver these crates to the yard, get a empty one and bring back two ladders and me and Kath's picking bins. hurry up girl we can't do anything till you get back OK".



So off I went. 3rd gear, into 4th, 50ks an hour down the track. I had to go through the tree rows to get Cocksy's bin.
That's when it happened. It had to didn't it? It really had to happen. We'd just spent the day talking about how expensive it was. It wasn't just a crash.

I get disorientated when I reverse. My heads the wrong way round to my body so when I head towards something I shouldn't, instead of turning away from it... I turn towards it.

I turned off my straight line between the trees and headed in slow motion it seemed towards the line of trees a couple of feet to my right. Really I was going 60. My head was on backwards so I couldn't think where the brakes were! And I braced my legs for the impact and in doing that accelerated! There was a lot of swearing. A LOT of noise. I turned at the last millisecond away from the trunk of the tree but there was no avoiding the main, fruit laden branches sticking out. They started to slam against the windows, snapping right at the base. Big sickening crunches over the screaming roar of the tractor. Every time I tried to turn away the front of the tractor slammed into the trunks! It went like this for maybe ten trees before I remembered I had brakes.



Cocksy's beautiful tractor was making a very sick noise. I turned it off. Scrambled out, shaking like a STUPID leaf. There were broken branches hanging off the back, stuck in the wheels and on the forklift bit. Decent sized branches, about the size of my arms.

Like a woman possessed i ripped those branches away from the tractor and stowed them under a still intact tree.
there were (well, used to be) big mud flaps/fluoro sticker panels hanging off the back behind the big back wheels. One of these had been ripped completely off and the piece of steel it used to be attached to was bent right back and sticking into the wheel... Hopefully that's all the sick noise was! Adrenalin can make you strong when you need to be. I've never bent a hunk of steel before but i did it! the forklift was crooked... but only a little bit. I hoped desperately that they just wouldn't notice. In my rush I didn't check the paint work on the side.
I started to think of ways I could cover all this up.

The tractor started OK and sounded OK as far as I could remember. I delivered the things I had to, picked up the new crate, bags and bins and headed back very sloooowly.

The story I told Cocksy - and everyone else at work - is that

"I bounced over a tree root and it set the tractor off course. Then I over corrected and bumped a branch. the indicator lights broken. I'm so sorry!"

If they didn't look closely that's all they'd see. And it worked!
The trees I demolished aren't due for picking for a few more weeks. My guess is that in that no one will find them before that time. But what then?

They've already nicknamed me Crash. Hopefully its not upgraded to 'Fired'!

Oh and it turns out the tractors so expensive that I didn't have to worry about the glass breaking. It's bullet proof.

This is the kinda thing i'mm talking about but WAY bigger wheels and forklift on the back

Angels

I love my friends.

Some peoples opinion is that it's better to have only a few friends but really close.



...Nah.

I have close friends! My boyfriend for example. Is my best friend without a doubt.
But I also have other friends I barely see, have next to never hung out with but they're still friends. how does that work? I figured it all out the other day...



Two years ago I was invited to sit in the 'back seat' of the school bus. Oooohhhh yes. that's the cool seat. I didn't know any of the people and I was half asleep like most mornings on the bus. but they wanted me there because i was 6 former and they didn't want juniors stealing the good seat.

Pascoe was seventh form. He bullied me most mornings down in the back seat, in a fun loving kind of way though (I hope) and couldn't stand that I ignored it! I never said anything. Just smiled and laughed at him.

Until one morning I had coffee with breakfast.
He started his usual mean routine...



"Hey Ginga, you're looking extra bright today"



"You know what your problem is Pascoe? You're so bloody insecure you've got to take the piss out of everyone else. I know you don't like your nose and your teeth are screwed up but i don't care about all that. I think you could be a genuinely nice guy if you tried".



And with that I put on my head phones and smiled out the window for the rest of the trip.


well it worked. Next day he started talking to me like a nice little human.

And I still didn't have to talk much in my zombiesh, half awake state. He talked, I said

"Yeah... yup... I know.... really?"



And on the last day of school we said "bye and have a good life" as I got off the bus.





Two years later I bumped into him at the national rowing championships at Lake Ruataniwha (That's two giant eels in Maori). I didn't even know he rowed! and it was his whole life!



There was no emotional hug or long catch up. Just a well meaning



"Hey Pascoe. what's with the beard?"



"Makes me look manly".



and that was it.

Then my car broke down. :( My poor baby. I love my car.



All i had to say was literally



"Help me"



and Pascoe sorted out everything. He walked the few Kilometres to my car with me, stuck his hands in the greasy motor, well the wheel. Told me in 'easy to understand talk' exactly what was wrong and how much it would cost to fix.



Well that was nice of him!

But there's more!



I left my car there at the lake, five hours from home and hitched a ride with Evan (National Rowing Gold medallist!!!).



Two days later Pascoe calls me. How in the hang did he get my number?
Turns out he's sorted out everything. And i mean EVERYTHING. My whole worlds problems.

He got me a super cheap deal for towing my car and getting it fixed!
ANGEL.
some friends come along by chance and without a doubt are just angels!
There's your proof you bastardly, cynical evolutionists!

I know my boyfriend is planning something... it's my 18Th birthday tomorrow and he's been sneaking around all week! I'm so suspicious! He's my...
ANGEL.

I started work today at the apple orchard. My boss is amazing! Annabelle! she only eats organic food and she's lovely and caring and offers me tea and never raises her voice and her husband just plain makes you smile.

ANGELS.


I love my car. I love my angels :)

A Classroom... Discussion?

Teacher: If you don't do all your jobs round the house you'll end up big and fat and lazy with no job.

Tim: You mean like a hippie?

Teacher: Yes exactly like that.

Ethan (My brother): But my sister's a hippie and she's not big and fat and lazy!

(Laughs!)

Student Two: But why does it matter if you're big and fat and lazy?

Tim: Because you'll lose your marbles!

(Everyone Laughs)

Teacher: No Tim, not the marbles you play with.

(Kids erupt)

Ethan: I think it would hurt a lot to lose your marbles. (Grabs his pants)

(The classroom falls apart)

My seven year old brother told me the funniest story last night! He was so proud of his class clown antics! If only he'd be so excited about the homework he tried not to do last night. He's a little joker and a bit of a smart ass but I love him a lot.
While we're on it... I have 5 brothers, 3 sisters, 2 step brothers and a step sister from my mum's partner, and 2 step sisters from my Dad's new wife. whew! Yeah I get confused too.